Comments on: 1 in 4

By: A look back at my 2011-2012 season – Shayboarder.com

A look back at my 2011-2012 season – Shayboarder.com — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 17:16:16 +0000

[…] 1 in 4 Domestic Violence: I wouldn’t call this a favorite post but it needed to be done. It was one of the hardest posts from the season as it took a couple years in the making to share my story. […]

By: The end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012 – Shayboarder.com

The end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012 – Shayboarder.com — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 18:31:18 +0000

[…] Sharing my domestic violence story […]

By: From a Dutch reader

From a Dutch reader — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 10:38:50 +0000

That put a bit of a tear in my eyes reading to be honest. I don’t even know what to say, exept how brave and honest your story is.
Going to be extra extra nice to my wife from now on to offset the hardship some girls have to endure from losers like that.

Love your site (I know it’s for girls, but I like reading about snowboarding without all the macho look-how-cool-I-am stuff )

By: keri

keri — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 06:27:13 +0000

Thanks for sharing that deeply personal part of your life. I am so encouraged by women like you who do have the strength and courage to rebuild their lives after another human being tried to tear it down. I am working towards my Women’s Studies degree right now and think that speaking out on these issues is one of the best things we, as women, can do. Kudos to you for being so brave! And thanks for such a kick ass site!

By: Erick Espinoza

Erick Espinoza — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 15:14:27 +0000

Glad you shared this story for the world to see and educate people that it happens to anyone and anywhere. I, a male, apologize for my species. Sometimes I wonder how guys like that are going to end up, living life like animals.

I think we are all glad that you left that relationship and glad that you dont have physical memories, but the emotial scars run deeper.

Glad your with us as we speak 🙂

By: james biesty

james biesty — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 07:17:48 +0000

Well Done Shay!

The only reason I was lucky enough to meet and marry my wife is because her mother had the courage to leave an abusive husband and stop the cycle. She and her siblings are doing very well today because of that exit. Hopefully your thread will help others do the same.

By: Anonymous but not powerless

Anonymous but not powerless — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 02:06:52 +0000

I do not want to distract from the very important subject of this post, but I think that abusive friendships are similar even if they aren’t as intimate as a marriage or partnership. I suppose you might call that bullying instead of violence, but it is similar on so many levels. Like some people think fights don’t happen in a “perfect” marriage, some think abuse doesn’t happen in close friendships. I recently had to end one of my friendships when I realized that my “friend” was psychologically damaging me. She kept making judgemental comments about me because of the way I looked and what I did. Some were to my face and some were not. Because I have short hair and like plaid shirts and more modest, loose clothing, she would make insults of me looking like a lesbian (which I am not, and I don’t mean anything homophobic by saying that, I mean that I felt insulted that my orientation was challenged because of something nonsensical). She would also say stuff about cross-dressing and me liking “guy” things. I knew that it didn’t really make sense, but it still hurt. I thought I could just keep shaking it off like a joke, but really it was making me angry inside. After a while you don’t realize exactly what is happening. I’ve been snowboarding almost five years now, and decided to pick up skateboarding this spring. She told me that I was stupid for even trying to go near the guys (no other girls skate in my town) and I was just going to get addicted to drugs. She even went as far as to say that if I went to the skatepark, I better hide my water bottle so no one would drug me– just really disgusting stuff she was saying to try to make me not do something that I enjoyed. She was very manipulative and sometimes I didn’t notice, but other times I thought it was weird. She didn’t even want me to leave her for a minute to stop by the washroom during lunch, presumably so she’d know I wasn’t talking to any girls who might have been there and I didn’t leave her sight. She would freak out if my clothes clashed with hers and order me not to walk beside her because it’d make her outfit look bad. It wasn’t big, serious stuff, but any type of bullying and abuse ends up badly. When I learned that she had done a lot of damage to our other friends and other people, who were eventually not afraid to share their experiences, I finally started see how bad it was getting for me. I knew I had to get out, so I just told her it was over, and she told me she hadn’t liked me for the past two years anyways (insults again!). And she left. I will be completely honest and say that the only thing that was keeping me from physically harming her as revenge was the fact that I was about to graduate from high school and did not want to jeopardize that with expulsion. But soon I forgave her and I feel a lot better with myself. I am so glad that I did not become an abuser myself by dealing with it the wrong way. I didn’t lose myself or stop doing what I loved. I hope that now I will see the warning signs of manipulative and damaging people before being friends with them.

Thanks for bringing up such a sensitive topic. Whether abuse is at home, in a relationship, or in a friendship, and whatever type of abuse it is, it needs to be talked about more so people realize what might even be happening to them.

By: Snow Witch Elemental

Snow Witch Elemental — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 18:56:55 +0000

Hi Shay,

you are one hell of a courageous woman. It takes a lot of strength to share such a deeply personal story. I hope your life is better now, and I wish you good luck in your personal endeavours. Thank you again.

By: superstoker.com

superstoker.com — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 06:11:12 +0000

very powerful, thanks for sharing, stay strong!

By: Shay

Shay — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 04:42:53 +0000

Kim, thank you for that information. I had no idea about the legal services. Luckily for me when I was ready my employer in CO offered free therapy so I took advantage of that.

Ben, thank you for sharing your story about abuse and becoming a better man that what you were shown. I’m amazed by the stories that have come out since this post and the discussions it has opened up. It’s nothing to hide and something that can effect us all at some time. You’ll make a great husband!